Polish x50 Winding Down
Abner Coimbre
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@ -46,60 +46,26 @@ I hinted at economic trouble at the beginning of [this](/news/summer-update-2025
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In the last Handmade Seattle I made a mistake with the balance of content. It was definitely jarring to have little in the way of old-school technical presentations. This caused a 50-50 split of positive versus negative feedback: the positive commentary came largely from newcomers, while the negative came largely from veterans. The reader can visit [older](/news) blog posts where I apologized and asked for feedback.
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However, I stand by all my speakers and refuse to add disclaimers/warnings inside published recordings. It is obvious giving speakers air time doesn't mean I endorse all their views. In any case, the most controversial talk by far was Andrew Kelley's keynote on [Day One](/media/seattle-2024/hms-day-one/).
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However, I stand by all my speakers and refuse to add disclaimers/warnings inside published recordings. It is obvious giving speakers air time doesn't mean I endorse all their views. In any case, the most controversial talk by far was Andrew Kelley's keynote on [Day One](/media/seattle-2024/hms-day-one/). I received a barrage of vile essays in my Inbox, Discord DMs, and unlisted YouTube videos calling me a communist (what?) for platforming Andrew's message. I lost genuine friendships from people who were caught up in the heat of it all.
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I received a barrage of vile essays in my Inbox and Discord DMs, calling me a communist (what?) for platforming Andrew's message. I lost once good friends, including Ginger Bill, the creator of Odin:
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This was personally traumatic, and I can't use this trauma to justify running half-hearted conferences, which is an important reason for stopping them.
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{{<youtube eoNJfoFR2CE>}}
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*UPDATE 8/13/25: Channel owner appears to have made the video private now. [Here](https://drive.proton.me/urls/MB1EB4EF34#YZdvmAvBFp1C) is a backup.*
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Warning: This is very dark stuff, and he torched our relationship. Criticism is one thing but this is something else. A lot of people inexplicably saw it before I could. Here was my 1-minute response to his half-hour video:
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<div style="position:relative;padding-bottom:56.25%;height:0;overflow:hidden;">
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<iframe
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src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/1033767315?h=f97bb867ce"
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style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;border:0;"
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allow="autoplay; fullscreen; picture-in-picture"
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allowfullscreen
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title="Dear Ginger"></iframe>
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</div>
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To which Bill never responded. A few days later, he was announced at the Better Software Conference (BSC). This sudden loss of friendships rewired my brain to such a degree that I don't give a f\*ck about anything anymore [1].
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These days I just dish out cold comebacks. I do it in person to anyone who is repeatedly uncharitable. *"When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?"* I asked someone this last week, who recognized me because he follows everything I do online, hated the last conference , and I seem to live rent-free in his head. *"I worship the quicksand you walk in,"* I concluded before leaving the grocery store.
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Transforming into a combative person has become incredibly useful, but there's this lingering depression as well. I can't use this trauma as justification for running half-hearted conferences, which is an important reason for stopping them.
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*UPDATE 8/18/25: In my original post I aired dirty laundry, which feeds into online drama I'm supposed to denounce. It is now removed.*
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#### Nature is healing
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The Handmade meetups are awesome and they keep growing. We nerd out with demos and side projects. We help local programmers find work or make new friends every month. I train and mentor hosts, then they take the reins, so the scene is decentralized and self-sustaining. Meetups are cheap or free to run so I don't have to chase big revenue. Meanwhile, building [Terminal Click](https://terminal.click) as an indie dev is therapy compared to wrangling humans for a living!
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An impressive number of people who ended their relationship with me have apologized as of late. A couple of examples follow (you may need to open them in a new tab):
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An impressive number of people who ended their relationship with me have apologized as of late. I've forgiven them.
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{{< image src="images/hmc/close_friend_apology.png" caption="Close Friend Apology" alt="Close Friend Apology" height="1114" width="255" position="center" command="fill" option="q100" class="img-fluid" title="Close Friend Apology" webp="false" >}}
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Even a speaker from BSC wrote to me before their conference:
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{{< image src="images/hmc/bsc_speaker_apology.png" caption="BSC Speaker" alt="BSC Speaker" height="956" width="305" position="center" command="fill" option="q100" class="img-fluid" title="BSC Speaker" webp="false" >}}
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He went on to say later:
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> I only send this because I want you to be happy and healthy with a positive attitude. It's all too easy to fall into a victim mentality and focus too much on social change that isn't even necessary because, again, we're winning. You're obviously very competent and skilled.
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Regardless of what you think of this, I forgave both of them and I'm opting to protect their privacy. The latest apologies come from community members who lost their income and I'm helping them find new jobs (and several of them already have!) This is good, this is healthy.
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*UPDATE 8/18/25: In my original post I posted examples of private apologies, which is unfair to those friends. These are now removed.*
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#### Could things have been different?
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Maybe. Without social media or perverse incentives for online drama we could've had more perspective: in the end this was just one event. In fact a Seattle meetup member called me a “young grasshopper” as a community organizer. That caught me off guard until I looked around. Important things take time indeed: TED Talks have existed for four decades; DEFCON is thirty years old; many open-source conferences spent twenty years figuring things out. Herding cats is slow and messy.
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Without social media or incentives for public scandals we could've had more perspective: in the end this was just one event. In fact a Seattle meetup member called me a “young grasshopper” as a community organizer. That caught me off guard until I looked around. Important things take time indeed: TED Talks have existed for four decades; DEFCON is thirty years old; many open-source conferences spent twenty years figuring things out. Herding cats is slow and messy.
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I’m done running conferences though. Besides the reasons above, they feed the egos of a few “anointed” speakers and require a social media hustle I just won’t play. I’m opting out. I'm excited about building stuff that gets people offline: better meetups, our own server racks, and self-hosted tools for indie devs with serious Handmade projects.
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I’ll keep publishing newsletters [here](/news) and on [Terminal Click](https://terminal.click/posts), and occasionally on my [personal](https://abner.page) website.
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I’ll keep publishing newsletters [here](/news) and on [Terminal Click](https://terminal.click/posts), and occasionally on my [personal](https://abner.page) website. I'd still love to see you at our upcoming events, even if they're not fancy conferences: meetups are a powerful means to connect.
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See you offline,<br>Abner Coimbre
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---
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**Footnotes**
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[1] I do give a f\*ck about non-conference stuff: real friends and loved ones and my new work.
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